I'm Like a Proud Mama

It has been exactly 46 days since i blogged in blogspot. Sad, i was dead for 46 days, in blogspot. this post right down heree, Misery yadda. Although you realized i recently published it,it was typed on 5th Feb. 10 seconds ago, I published it. Pathetic, authentically pathetic. So here I am, ridiculously thinking i have sunken the minds of my imaginary blog readers, so Boo!
To my 18 followers any my imaginary's one (heh) please accept my apology of being so dumb and tranquil. Yes, it is true i don't write here no more. But i couldn't end something i started. I read my recent post, and it's words of fun. Memories captured in words. Delightful!

This is a warning This post will be awfully long. Yeah YELP, shuckers.


Things you want to know, not want, need. Ill start things off with present to past. My exam's are next week! OK BREATH. My older friends, keep saying aaah intervensi kacang, tak belajar pun tak apa. Yeah, Whatever. I like studying for a reason and PMR as a reason? It really isn't the best reason because there's thousands of 15 year olds in my place doing the same thing. And some of them, ain't even doing anything! I'm on the Line. Ironic heh

I just came back from the hospital, I had to get my asthma problem cured. Pain. My holidays, the one week break. I so was so very so happy! No.. thrilled. Because my boarding school friends which are Adib Hariz Syahir Yasmeen Syak are coming home. (flashback: last together as Wangsa day)It was so hard ugh to let them go, at that time all i could think was...was. How i would survive with no one by my side or shit or whatever! On this day, we just chilled at Adib's place, played guitar xbox and dota :}... YEAH i am happy they are leading their lives one step ahead but losing a friend who is in your daily basis is just not there anymore. I can't explain how sad it was, at the time, i was torn. torn like paper, easy as that, you give me a word, i torn myself. And i put the sad-blame-thing on something else, and accuse that something else of how sad i am and everyone gets mad at that something. Typical. Disaster. Haha. I'm Okay now, I haven't lost my connection with'em. But that one Saturday, I thought everything in Adib died.Phew . I was just-mad. I mean he could leave our daily basis, but leaving the life containing us. Erasing faces of us from your mind, thats something so cruel , I'll stag you through your heart. Seriously.

Karma. Funny thing, I didn't think it was karma, but karma is a nice to use in this part. When Afifi's relationship died..o oh wait, When Hariz semua left me, They are like ma people ya know! I turn everything to them, so you can't expect me to heal so fast like Pop! I was gonna make Afifi "my people" but then he got hitched. I wasn't jealous or anything, I was feeling awkward and well sad. I have a thing for guyfriends who gets hitched, Boyfriends are not to be shared. It's like the rule. Boyfriends are for the minds of their girlfriends only. Tadaaa tink tink. And I told her off, well she broke him, I'm not a drama queen. But i got things way out of hand, I get involved. I owe her a apology. Dude, Love stinks so bad huh. Horrible.

Next, My Life is like is so uncertain right now, I dont know what I want. You can ask me, I'll just say the typical I want 8 a's and nothing will get in my way. Phft. Aleena is going through a love thingy, best part about her. She dosen't show it. I mean langsung tak ok. haha I would'nt mind if she showed a little bit, but nah. Mysara and Huda little fight is not so little anymore,It's forgotten. Do we have to do everything for you? Mysara I know who you are, stop being so stuggish and stubborn. You Huda,stop being so polite and girly and calm. Get it over with already,shaaaaaaaaaaaah. Fafa, she's awesome but sometimes she all over the place. It's like im only a friend to her, not that im not okay with that. She dosen't share things with me, sometimes its well depressing haha Zulaikha is fine, Myraaa! Oh I love you to bits, she's like a perfect friend. Nothing to update about her because she has no problems, except Ryzal :> and her exams. And how she didn't get in basketball and how her way of mind respond to the "Our world". She has thoughts ;) I think I like her :}

I don't know where my life is leading and based on what,but it's messed up and im just going with the flow,things happen, they happen,waiting for happen. I'll get emotional , It'll pass. Sometimes I hold onto things and wouldn't let go because i don't want to let go! And when things change, I still hold on to it the past things that i was holding on. HERE'S A THING, I NEVER LET GO. But do I have to let go because it's the right thing to do and everything will be fine. Or to me, I gave up.

I haven't been a good friend lately, I'm ashamed of it. Only one thing to do, I'll be better.